Do you believe in long engagements?
March 4th 2008 09:25
Photo by Rubyran
Does the length of an engagement really matter?
My husband and I got engaged two months after we met. It raised a lot of suspicion among friends and family. Was I pregnant? Was I rebelling against my family? Was I on the rebound?
So many people did not understand that there is such a thing as a whirlwind romance. Granted, not all of those end up on a lasting, happy note. I understood their concerns. I wondered why they couldn't understand mine.
But all's well that ends well - my husband and I got married ten months later. During the ten months of engagement, we made wedding plans, met each other's families, fast-tracked some getting-to-know-you's and poof! I do's were exchanged.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I listened to the others. They hinted that a two year engagement would be good, and of course I'm sure my folks thought an even longer engagement would be better. Perhaps in long engagements, you get to understand your partner's lifestyle and behavior more, and you get to see how he works with you towards one goal --- the wedding! I'm kidding. The goal is of course the marriage.
The more time you have with someone, the more you get to know him. Feelings are built or destroyed over time. But you'll never really know now, would you? I guess my dismissal of long engagements came from seeing other couples' marriages too -- some were engaged for a long time and have been married for many years, others engaged for about two years and their marriage is now in shambles.
Our "hello there!"-"we're engaged!"-"i do!" story still gets a lot of ooohs and aaaahs from others, some accepting with starry-eyed romantic notions and others still with suspicion. Well, we're celebrating our 5th year of marriage this year and we haven't lost the love at all.
The length of the engagement period does not fully determine how your marriage will turn out. It's you and your partners' commitment to making your marriage work.
Do you believe in long engagements?
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Comment by katyzzz
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This should give Crystal some encouragement.
Comment by Damo
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I was engaged for a total of 2 weeks before getting married.
Nearly clocking up 20 years now.
Comment by tlcorbin
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Comment by Hazel Castillo
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Husband and I were practically engaged for 1 month?
we were together for more than a year then the pregnancy, and i know i heard some (maybe a lot of) people say don't get married just because you're pregnant. No matter how much I tell them that it is DEFINITELY NOT the main reason we're getting married they still think it is.
but really, it was the time we spent together before the pregnancy. and yes Toni, it's your commitment to each other, not the length of your relationship prior to marriage.
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I think it is a great idea
Comment by Lilla
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I'm with Louie here because it has been my experience to observe that love comes to shatter rigid belief and dogma... so there is no template.
Good question though.
Lilla ...
Comment by Wooderbeen
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Damo: 2 weeks! Wow, that's a record from among all the short engagement stories I've heard. And 20 years, that is amazing. Congratulations!
Raven: Sometimes you just know, don't you? That's how I felt too about my husband.
Hazel: Naku! Given our culture, I'm sure there were a lot of whispers about your situation. It must have been frustrating! But when the two of you face those things together naman, then for sure you'll make it through!
Amy: There are statistics like that? Well better to split while you're engaged than to split when you're already married, right?
Louie: Exactly, to each his own. And that is why I'm getting insights from all these different views.
Peter: Good for you knowing what works best for you!
Lilla: "There is no template." -- I love that line!! Can I borrow it when my friends ask about this topic too?
Wooderbeen: I got that question a lot, especially from my parents -- "What's the rush?" I didn't feel like I was rushing though!
Comment by AmyHuang
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