I only like it when it's served with ketchup?

"Uh... no. I do not need a penis enlargement. Thank you.... Huh? Why? I'm a girl... No, I do not need sex pills... no, not even if you offer overnight delivery... Well, I'm glad you think my blog's great and all that but I'd really prefer not to avail of any of your services... no, not even if they're diet pills... no, not even if there's a limited offer. Look I really have to go okay? And... what do you mean there's something I should know?... Oh, my loan was approved? But I didn't apply for any loan... and I didn't enter any raffle either... wow, I'm a millionaire? Really? Huh... look, I really have to go... I don't need enhancement pills... I don't need a Rolex or new software, thanks... my pleasure zone is fine, thank you... no, I don't need to add 4 inches to any part of my body whatsoever... I don't think you understand. I really gotta go... I told you, I don't need to improve my manhood. I'm not a man... I don't think you'll ever understand... Okay, I forgive you and what?... I get two free nights at Vegas?... To get the girl of my dreams? Can't you get this through your thick head? I'M NOT A MAN. MY LOVELIFE IS FINE. I DIDN'T ENTER ANY RAFFLES. AND MY PLEASURE ZONE IS DOING FINE. PLEASE STAY AWAY!!!"

SLAM.
PAUSE.
"DING!"

"Uh... no. I do not need a penis enlargement."

*****

So what's going on here? Will this story progress at all? What's your story?

138

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Posted By: What's Your Story? - Category: Writing Prompts

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Comments

20 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Ahmed

November 14th 2007 04:39

Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Cinema Three

Spam can sure get annoying...

Comment by Ahmed

November 14th 2007 05:17

Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Cinema Three

oh also, I just realized, heres my story: Really Long Link

Comment by Louie

November 14th 2007 05:41

Climate Forum
Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips

hahahaha...i had 1343 spams on my gmail the other day, and i empty it regularly,,,bloody scary

Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview

November 14th 2007 05:44

Coffee Quip

Whats Your Story

"Uh... no. I do not need a penis enlargement."

I always wanted to get the above msg as a phone call when visiting my mother, so I could hand her the phone, and dead pan, "it's for you".

Raven

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 14th 2007 05:51

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Ahmed: Thanks for the link! Will follow it.

Louie: It's really annoying isn't it! They just don't stop.

Raven: Haha! Funny funny.

Comment by Al Brunswick

November 14th 2007 05:59

A friend of a friend of a friend told me you had a fetish for tomato ketchup but all I see here is a desire to be covered from head to toe in messages from dead email drop, it this a spy saga I have uncovered ? LOL

I can see the humour seeping out from under your carefully controlled demeanor as you crash the phone onto its base. You tell me you don't need 'sex pills' or a 'penis extension', you ask a rhetorical question which for obvious reasons I desperately want you to avoid answering "If only she could see me, she would know what it's like to be loved, truly loved."

The poor teenager at the other end suffers her 35th rejection this week, each one had had the same negative aggresive tone, each one had sapped more and more of her energy. Now she felt like an empty shell, her student loan wouldn't be paid this week, her prospects of finding another more fullfilling job dealt a savage blow by her continued failure to communicate.

Even her dreams let her down, she pictured herself a beautful untouched rose discarded by a jilted lover and left to wilt in a puddle of a passing shower.

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 14th 2007 06:04

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Al: *LOL* Thank you for that super amusing reply. Incorporating those other prompts was priceless.

Comment by Em Dy

November 14th 2007 08:21

If I got that phone call, my story would have ended with the first sentence. I don't entertain those calls. I wonder why the character did.

Comment by Krystal

November 14th 2007 09:03

feelings

Can you introduce me to the one who does not need a penis enlargement?

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 14th 2007 09:30

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Em: I pictured her as a calm woman who is patient more often than not, but explodes anyway. Heehee.

Krystal: Er... let me check. Or better yet, I should round up some guys and you do the checking!

Comment by MelissaA

November 14th 2007 10:43

Fun Facts

Absolutely spot on!

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 14th 2007 10:52

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Melissa: Sadly, spam has become universal!

Comment by AmyHuang

November 14th 2007 11:20

Project Job Search
Travel Debate
Travel String
Love Adventures

It's my daily life. Those spam emails and chat messages are driving me nuts!
But then again, I can always forward those "Give her the best night of her life!" emails to my boyfriend....

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 14th 2007 11:48

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Amy: Passing on those servings of spam? Haha!

Comment by Michaelie

November 14th 2007 14:02

Flick Wit

My brother starts interviewing telemarketers who ring him. He pretends to try to sell them stuff, then when they say 'I'll put you through to the manager" he says "No, I'll put you through to MY manager", then puts them on hold to see how long they'll wait. He figures he's doing a service to the community, keeping them from annoying other people.

Michaelie

Comment by Mountain Fog

November 14th 2007 14:03

Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!

How come no one emails to offer a penis reduction?

And as for my story...(SDFX: insert laugh track here)...I think that about sums it all up!!

cheers

fog

Comment by D. Armenta

November 14th 2007 23:10

The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.

I must be lucky--I only get emails from deposed royalty in Africa who need my bank account number so they can transfer their millions out of their country...

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 15th 2007 00:29

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Michaelie: Clever brother!

Fog: *laughs along with the laugh track* Cheers!

D: Oh you're right! I get that too. I forgot to include them, haha!

Comment by MelissaA

November 16th 2007 09:51

Fun Facts

Actually, I'm surprised they haven't started offering boob enlargement spam as yet, but as with the rest of it, I'm sure that will be along sometime soon! (Can't you just see the men's thoughts about that one!)

Comment by What's Your Story?

November 16th 2007 12:44

What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge

Melissa, good point there. Haha!

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